I’m not much of a New Year’s Eve guy, mostly because I haven’t had a lot of success on the last night of the year. I did the party thing in my younger days of course, but those evenings generally ended up with my face investigating the inner workings of a toilet or lying next to a woman, trying to hide a raging Charlie Horse after having my pass freshly rejected. I saw Poison and Warrant once (Don’t judge, it was the 80’s), but that ended with a former roommate (who tragically shed his mortal coil this year) attempting to balance on a spike strip, falling the wrong direction, and slicing his foot like Uma Thurman taking out one of the 88 Keys in Kill Bill.
One year my wife Charger Gal was sucked into this vortex of sucktitude as we went to San Diego for her first Charger game. The result: Her favorite player, Drew Brees, had his shoulder decimated, leading to his leaving for New Orleans where he now challenges Jesus and the creator of Gumbo for most popular person in the history of Louisiana. The Chargers were crushed by the rival Denver Broncos, and Charger Gal became deathly ill. Now we end the year with our own personal tribute to gluttony: In-N-Out Burgers and an extra-large bottle of white wine. (You know you’re jealous). We also do our own little year in review with one another. (We try to include our dog B Is Love in the proceedings, but the cheeseburger she gets from In-N-Out zonks her out by 9:30.)
We also talk about our resolutions for the year ahead. It’s a significant year for us: We both turn 40 (Don’t quite look it but feel every bit of it), celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary (Unless I screw up on a monolithic level, which has been known to happen more than I want to admit), and 5 years of B Is Love being a part of our lives. Such a significant year requires significant resolutions and based on my impeccable track record on resolutions, I have no doubt that at least one of the following has a better than average chance of mostly coming to pass.
Lose 30 Pounds – I know, I know, the oldest resolution there is. You know why? Because most of us are fat! I’m telling ya though, if I accomplish this task, my 1-10 rating shots straight up to 6.
Sell A Screenplay – One thing about certain goals; you get to keep listing them until they come to pass. Springsteen once asked “Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true or is it something worse?” This sounds depressing as Hell so I think I’ll just keep dreaming this dream until it does, in fact, come true.
Get A Gig Blogging – Be it freelance or teaming up with a site full time, this is the brass ring for 2011. I’ve really enjoyed writing for this World Wide Web thing and look forward to doing more of it in the coming year.
That’s the list. I’ll aim to be as observational as Seinfeld, as anti-establishment as Carlin, and as confessional as Pryor with the thoughts and words ahead. And yes, I did just compare myself to three of the greatest comics of all time. One must dare to believe they can fly like an eagle in order to soar above the crowd.
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